Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Mediocrity Is, As Mediocrity Does

I know it has been quite some time since my last entry…and it is not at all that I have forgotten or tossed this aside…but my lack of writing has stemmed from my complete fear and distaste of mediocrity.  Some of you have grown pissed at me as a result, and I do half-heartedly apologize, but it has really been for your own good.  See, it would be incredibly easy for me to sit down and write something craptastic for you, but instead I chose to self-censor myself.  For instance, I could have effortlessly told you about my angst when two guys broke up with me on the same day even though I wasn’t dating either of them (which, as was incredibly appropriate for the occasion, also happened to be the same day as my dick-in-a-box party).  Or, I could have lashed out in written form about the indignity of the other two guys that failed to show up at an event I had invited them to even though both said they would…yes, I know, quite the intentional faux pas on my part but I decided to take my chances on at least one making an appearance or hoping they’d both show up because I would definitely have some good writing…ultimately, they both blew me off, which, although a disappointment, was not a total shocker.  The night was salvaged, however, because I ended up meeting someone else at the after-party.  So, despite not getting felt up that night by either of the guys I shaved my legs for, having to deal with the  pimples in the morning from wearing make-up was not completely for naught.  Even better, though, I could have bored you about the date with a strikingly handsome younger man I almost punched in the face before asking the waiter for the check and storming out all because of a Middle Eastern politics exchange gone totally wrong.  According to him, Assad’s positive contributions to the Syrian economy and democracy in the Middle East outweighed the lunatic's crimes against humanity.  Needless to say, this didn’t bode well for my date at that particular moment and he later dubbed me “CP” for “Check Please!” 

Still though, I somewhat take pride in anything I create, so the very thought of providing you with mediocrity is on par with me waking up next to a wealthy, short and bald CEO of fledgling technology company with a major Napoleon complex who is still wearing his country club embroidered golf shirt and is donning an attitude like he just did me a favor.  At one point in my life, though, I would have settled for mediocrity and, in fact, I did all too often for all too long – I married Mediocrity, slept with Mediocrity, ate at Mediocrity, shopped at Mediocrity, wore Mediocrity, wiped with Mediocrity, drank Mediocrity, swam in Mediocrity, waited for Mediocrity to call or just have fucking Mediocrity remember my name in the morning….all until I realized that Mediocrity was, well, mediocre.   And if I have learned anything from my past, which is debatable on most days, it is that I can also tell Mediocrity to fuck off at my leisure…

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